Where do you stand?

Girls' relationship with guys is a bigger mystery than girls themselves.

It's not just about boyfriends, we're talking about guy friends that gals have.

Do you have a gal who is just a friend? Are confused why the frequency of calls increases as exams loom closer? Or why she always hangs around with the moron who isn't fit to wear Jeetendra's white shoes? Here's a ready reckoner for you:

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% just a friend %

Well, you are like a show piece in my house. I will call you whenever I need you. If you call me home the chances are 9 out of 10 times she might say, "Oh Rahul, I am going out can you call me after 2 days??

"Rahul: "Where are you going Shilpa??

"Shilpa: "None of your business" and bangs the phone.(Useless fellow.Hmmph!).

********

% Good Friend %

You are like a TV remote control. I need you and I know that. But I try using you when I really need you.

Rahul calls: "Hi Shilpa",

Shilpa: "Hi Rahul. I am going out with family I will call you back. Bye"

(Shilpa calls back after two days)

Shilpa: "What do you want Rahul? Why did you call that day?".

Rahul: "Generally".

Shilpa: "Oh ok. I got to go out. Will call you later. Bye."

Will call when she needs lecture notes or some concert tickets.

********

% Very good friend %

Well you are like the pressure cooker safety value for the girl.

She will need you when she wants to bring out her pain or anger on someone.

Basically, she wants to talk to you. And you are special to her.

Shilpa: "You know Rahul, Shekhar is not eating. He doesn't sleep and is not able to concentrate on his studies. I think he doesn't like me anymore. And yesterday I saw him with another girl".

Rahul: "Who is Shekhar??"

Shilpa : "My boyfriend."

Rahul: Oh! Ok. :-(

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% Best Friend %

You are like the auto rickshaw driver.

She can't live without you.And don't be mistaken. You are not her boyfriend. But you are allowed to take her little doggie around the park so that he (not you!) can have fun.

Rahul Shopping. Rahul Movie. Rahul Coffee. Rahul,you pay. I am having fun.

Rahul is now sure that he should go ahead and propose. He dares.

Shilpa: "But I thought we were just friends. We should remain friendsRahul. Plus, I have a boy friend you know that."

Rahul: What?? (Rahul drinks all night).

********

% Best of the Bestest Friends %

Ok now you are really special.

You are dad-cum-boyfriend-cum-brother-cum-everything.

Ultimately you are the darling servant of the girl.

You take her around.You make her project.

You do her assignments.

You are allowed to take her doggie around.

You can hold hands on the beach.

You can see the sun set with her (because she wants to do everything she drags you along).

But but but... Don't be mistaken. She has a boyfriend who works for a huge software company and earns 3 times the salary you earn and has a flat in PoesGardenor Boat Club or Hiranandani area.

Shilpa: "Hi Rahul. I am getting engaged to Shekhar. Shekhar this is Rahul, he is my bestest friend".

Rahul: Hi Shekhar . (Hand shake. Shekhar breaks Rahul's wrist).

Rahul is now heart broken and wrist broken.

********

% Boyfriend %

Uh... No comments dude. You're already Gone!

********

Now ~ where you stand?

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10 things women love to hear

If there's one thing any man needs to learn about women, it's what to say to make them happy. To quote Homer Simpson, "When it comes to compliments, women are ravenous blood-sucking monsters, always wanting more... more... more! And if you give it to them, you'll get plenty back in return."

Whether you're in a committed relationship or are playing the field, remember this rule: You can keep a woman ready to please you simply by letting her know how much she already does.

That said, here are the top 10 things women love to hear and why saying them will work wonders for you.

Number 10

"How was your day?"When you ask her how her day went, her interpretation is that you are thoughtful and eager to know about her 9-to-5 routine. Be warned though: This question gives her license to talk at length about all the little dramas that occurred throughout her day. So be ready to set aside some time to listen to her stories.

Why it makes you look good: To her, it's the thought that counts. Asking about her day shows that you're receptive, interested and open to listening to her. You're giving her an outlet to vent and acting as her confidante. Sure, you might have to listen longer than you want to, but once she's done talking shop, she'll be talking about you.

Number 9

"I can't believe how sexy you look!"Straight up, this tells her that you find her attractive, and to a lesser extent, that you want some. But, if you're in a relationship, she'll hear more than that -- namely, that you're still lustfully appreciating her fine ass. No woman could fail to be flattered by that compliment.

Why it makes you look good: This line is particularly effective in long-term relationships, as you're assuring your woman that she's still hot. In return, this makes her want to share her hotness with you. Any questions? Didn't think so.

Number 8

"How do you feel about [anything]?"Asking this question tells your lady that you're genuinely concerned about her feelings. And, as both Oprah and Dr. Phil have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt, women love to express their feelings on every topic imaginable. Know, however, that you're setting yourself up for a lengthy and deep conversation about whatever the topic may be. So don't ask this if you're planning to watch a game that night.

Why it makes you look good: It's all about showing the compassionate side. Once she understands that you're devoting attention to her it will make all her feelings about you that much more intense. So, if you were just kind of attractive before, you'll become a stud in her eyes. If you were a friend before, now she'll want more. Get the picture?

Number 7

"You're prettier than your girlfriends."Putting her on a pedestal among her peers gives her an ego boost that she can secretly lord over her gal pals. It's high praise in the world of women, and will score you some big flattery points.

Why it makes you look good: Aside from making her feel aesthetically superior to other women, this little remark will make her cognizant of how much you value her. She'll also feel less threatened by her friends when they are around you. She'll feel good about herself and consequently will want to reward your good taste. There is a potential flip side, however: the jealous partner may take this only as evidence that you're checking out her friends.

Number 6

"You're really smart."By acknowledging her intelligence, you're communicating that you recognize her brains, as well as her figure. This makes a woman feel appreciated for all her assets, not just the parts that fit in a thong or a bra. It's a mark of respect from her man.

Why it makes you look good: First off, she'll appreciate that you are capable of thinking above the waistline. Women love a cordial man, and there's no better way for you to show off your gentlemanly qualities than to praise and distinguish her smarts.

Number 5

"You're great in bed."Simply put, this line makes her feel like a goddess. Hearing it suggests that her sexuality has been elevated in your eyes and makes her feel like she really knows how to satisfy her man. It could also help to knock away any inhibitions she might have in the bedroom.

Why it makes you look good: Praising her performance indicates that for you, sex isn't just about getting your rocks off. You appreciate every aspect of the experience itself, particularly the extra efforts she puts towards it.

Number 4

"I want to spend my life with you."This is a heavy line; it's not many degrees away from proposing to her. So be prepared for the consequences if you utter it. But also keep in mind that risk often carries reward -- once you tell her this she'll be doing mental backflips of joy. Other phrases that work in a similar vein but are less committal are, "Only you can make me so happy," and, "I wouldn't want to be with anyone else."

Why it makes you look good: All women love to hear a formal expression of enduring commitment from their man. Brother, to her, you'll practically receive a permanent halo after this.

Number 3

"You're my best friend."You're telling her how you feel above and beyond a sexual context. It means you've placed value upon your friendship and want to do things with her that other men may not have had an interest in. She'll feel overpoweringly connected to you after you say this.

Why it makes you look good: These words change you from being just the guy she's doing to the guy she is doing things with, too. It rockets you to the top of the suitor list because you've openly declared the F-word: friendship.

Number 2

"You'll make a great mother."Most women look forward to having babies one day. Most also agonize over whether they will do a good job of it. By saying this you affirm to her that she'll be a success. Furthermore, you satisfy her internal need to be pacified on the subject. Coming from her man, these words will make her the happiest she can be.

Why it makes you look good: Indirectly, you just confirmed to your woman that you're thinking about making babies with her. Obviously, this is great music to her ears. From this point onwards, she'll be ever more receptive to your advances.

Number 1

"You make my life complete."This tells her that she's the only one for you. All women want to hear this line from their men. It says that you've accepted her completely and that she has become an essential, indispensable ingredient in your life. That's an unbelievably gratifying thought to your woman -- she'll be smiling for days.

Why it makes you look good: This basically says that you need her in your life, and that you couldn't live without her. Women fall head over heels for this kind of stuff.

Honorable mention

"I love you."The "three little words" that all the chick flicks place so much importance on can have a serious impact. If you're in a long-term relationship, it's good to say this every now and then.

Why it makes you look good: Saying this to a long-time partner will help rekindle those sparks that needs fanning every now and again. And for those of you who haven't yet said it to your lady, don't hesitate once you're ready to. You won't regret it when you see (and feel) her reaction.

Interesting facts - part 2

(1) The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; "7" was selected because the original containers were 7 ounces. "UP" indicated the direction of the bubbles.

(2) Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.

(3) Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles from the flush.

(4) The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.

(5) American car horns beep in the tone of F.

(6) No piece of paper can be folded into half more than 7 times.

(7) Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

(8) 1 in every 4 Americans has appeared on television.

(9) You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

(10) Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.

(11) The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

(12) The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.

(13) A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brothers' first flight.

(14) American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.

(15) Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

(16) The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA."

(17) Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

(18) The 57 on the Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number of varieties of pickles the company once had.

(19) The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

(20) Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

(21) The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer.

(22) Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

(23) Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

(24) Adolf Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.

(25) Marilyn Monroe had six toes.

(26) All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public.

(27) The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in jelly.

(28) Debra Winger was the voice of E.T.

(29) Pearls melt in vinegar.

(30) Thomas Jefferson is credited with inventing the coat hanger.

(31) Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

(32) The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

(33) It's possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.

(34) Humans are the only primates that don't have pigment in the palms of their hands.

(35) Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of vodka.

(36) The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog," uses every letter in the alphabet. (Developed by Western Union to Test telex/two communications)

(37) Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.

(38) A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

(39) The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the "American Pie."(Thus the name of the Don McLean song.)

(40) Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. * Spades - King David; * Clubs - Alexander the Great; *Hearts -Charlemagne; * Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

(41) Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down-hence the __expression "to get fired."

(42) Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.

(43) Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

(44) Snails can sleep for 3 years without eating.

(45) Actor Tommy Lee Jones and US vice-president Al Gore were freshman roommates at Harvard.

(46) The fingerprints of koala bears are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they could be confused at a crime scene.

(47) Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a "Friday the 13th."

(48) The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.

(49) There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

(50) All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20

Why did Newton commit suiside?

Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Telugu movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done. In the movie of Bala Krishna, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes-

1. Bala Krishna has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Bala Krishna is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured! Long Live Bala Krishna!!! 
2. In another movie, Bala Krishna is confronted with 3 gangsters.Bala Krishna has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife. Guess, what he does? He throws the knife at the middle gangster? & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.
3. Bala Krishna is chased by a gangster. Bala Krishna has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess, what he does. Nah? not even in your remotest imaginations.He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots,Bala Krishna opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. Bang... the gangster dies...

This was too much for our Newton to take! He was completely shaken and decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of physics.The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed. Oops, not so fast!

The 'climax' finally arrives. Bala Krishna gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Bala Krishna can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Bala Krishna has to desperately kill the villain because it's the climax.(Newton Bhai is smiling since it is virtually impossible?)

Bala Krishna suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air. The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.

And "The End!"

Newton commits suicide!!

Interesting Facts - part 1

Read below you'll come to know about certain unknown facts......

1. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."

2. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt"

3. Almonds are members of the peach family.

4. The symbol on the "pound" key (#) is called an octothorpe.

5. The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.

6. Ingrown toenails are hereditary.

7. The word "set" has more definitions than any other word in the English language.

8. "Underground" is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters "und."

9. There are only four words in the English language which end in "-dous": tremendous,

horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

10. The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is "pneumonoultramicros copicsilicovolca noconiosis."

11. The only other word with the same amount of letters is its plural: pneumonoultramicros copicsilicovolca noconiosesl.

12. The longest place-name still in use is "Taumatawhakatangiha ngakoauauotamate aturipukakapikim aungahoronukupok aiwe-nuakit natahu", a New Zealand hill.

13. Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reinade los Angeles de Porciuncula" and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size,L.A.

14. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

15. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

16. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button. It was eliminated when he was sewn up after surgery.

17. Telly Savalas and Louis Armstrong died on their birthdays.

18. Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.

19. The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint - no two lions have the same pattern of whiskers.

20. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

21. There is a seven-letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters, "therein": the,there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein.

22. Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

23. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

24. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

25. Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened cranberry can be

dribbled like a basketball.

26. The letters KGB stand for Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti

27. 'Stewardesses' is the longest English word that is typed with only the left hand.

28. The combination "ough" can be pronounced in nine different ways; the following sentence

contains them all: "A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed."

29. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

30. Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning "containing arsenic."

31. Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian seal for that reason.

32. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.

33. The word "Checkmate" in chess comes from the Persian phrase "Shah Mat," which means "the king is dead."

34. The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines

were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk

up straight staircases.

35.Coca-Cola was originally green.

36.The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

37.The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.

38.The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

39.There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.

40.TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only one row ! of the keyboard.

41.Women blink nearly twice as much as men!!

42.You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

43.It is impossible to lick your elbow.

44.People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.

45.It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

46.The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

47.If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib.

48.If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.

49.Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history.

50. Spades - King David

Clubs - Alexander the Great

Hearts - Charlemagne

Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

51. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

52.If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground,the person died of natural causes.

54.What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common?

Ans. - All invented by women.

55.Question - This is the only food that doesn't spoil. What is this?

Ans. - HoneyA crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

56.A snail can sleep for three years.

57.All polar bears are left handed.Butterflies taste with their feet.

58.Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

59.In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

60.On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.

61.Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.

62.Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

63.The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

64.The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

65.The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

66.Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.

67.Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

68.The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

69.Most lipstick contains fish scales.

70.Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

Five Star Services

Reason why many people never visit a 5 Star Hotel !!!

Question : "What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?"

Answer: "tea please"

Question : " Ceylontea, Herbal, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea orgreen tea ?"

Answer : "Ceylontea "

Question : "How would you like it ? black or white ?"

Answer: "white"

Question: "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ?"

Answer: "With milk

Question: "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk"

Answer: "With cow milk please.

Question: " Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?"

Answer: " Um, I'll take it black. "

Question: " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"

Answer: "With sugar

Question: " Beet sugar or cane sugar ?"

Answer: "Cane sugar "

Question:" White , brown or yellow sugar ?"

Answer: "Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead."

Question: "Mineral water or still water ? "

Answer: "Mineral water"

Question: "Flavored or non-flavored ?"

Answer: "I'll rather die of thirst. Thank You."